he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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