dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Randomize
