I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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