i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
