God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
