No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
