Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
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