Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
