I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
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