Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Randomize
