you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
