Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
