You smell like stripper and shame
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
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