I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
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