my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Randomize
