thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
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