Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
