Can Purell be used as lube?
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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