Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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