Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
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