I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Randomize
