just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
