whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Life without a bra equals bliss.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I'm too high and old for this...
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
