Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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