Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
