We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
