I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize