god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Randomize
