just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize