so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
As shirtless as possible
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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