I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
