A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
