Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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