i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
