sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Randomize