she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I didn't notice because vodka
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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