Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize