Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
