We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
The best revenge is premature balding
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Randomize
