the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
