I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Randomize
