you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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