Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Hippo gnu deer
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
false alarm, still single
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
