I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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