Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Randomize
