I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
