The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Randomize
