Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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