I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
