Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Randomize
