I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
She told me I should be a condom model.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
