You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize
