everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
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