Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
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