May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I need to align my fucking chakras
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
