No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
