All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Randomize
