yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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