and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
