yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Randomize
