just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
