The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
So squirting runs in the family.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Randomize
