none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
