3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
