...so i touched it.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
