I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I smell like Dick and happiness
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