You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
