Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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