dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
