Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
