Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
